my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
love makes seman taste better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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