glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
