Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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