it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
