i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
