I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
