Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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