I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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