His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
