dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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