your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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