guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
