she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
