My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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