my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
