we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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