I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
