I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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