Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you win again, gameday.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
