OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
