Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
