Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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