dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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