Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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