i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
