just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize