Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I intend to get homeless drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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