You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
