Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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