im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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