if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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