College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
