How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
