i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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