Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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