Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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