girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
