There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
