How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
