I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I understand Curling. That high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
