They should really pass out barf bags in church
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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