A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
