I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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