So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
