I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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