Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
