Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
