I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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