Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize