This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
