I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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