Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
