I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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