just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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