Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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