My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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