Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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