can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
