just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
