it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
