fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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