the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
