the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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