ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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