Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We are two peas in an std pod
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
