he puts the penis in happiness.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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