we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
