Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
