And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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