is your mom at the bar?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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