we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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