Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
