If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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