Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
